Many years ago BDSM practices used to be perceived as a mental illness or sexual aberration. After years of study psychologists concluded the old theories were mistaken and that there's no need to "cure" the SM urges, as they are a healthy mechanism of relieving one's self from having to be in control, having to make decisions over decisions. It is a way of escape, a defense mechanism from daily stress, a way of acceptance of the "darker side" that lies inside each of us, a need for relinquishing control to something or someone greater than yourself. BDSM is a metaphor through which the psyche speaks of its suffering and passion.
only there is no need to 'cure' your fetish, but forcing yourself to
suppress a certain fetish will result in frustration, even violent
behavior or an unhealthy obsession. As long as your fetish doesn't
destroy your life or your health, you can indulge in balancing your
regular life with bdsm and just be part of a community of healthy,
productive and balanced individuals (no, fetish people are not some
freaks staying in a dark corner worshiping satan or cutting their
fetishes are developed in childhood, coming from a psychological
experience that imprinted on you. It is a mistake to assume that the
experience had to be extreme or traumatizing - it's all about a context
and the different ways our psyche perceives a given situation. There
is usually one of two
things going on : a pleasant memory you're chasing to feel the energy
of again, or an unpleasant memory
you are trying to harness, conquer and own.
There is a definite connection between suffering and pleasure. When you surrender you might experience feeling of dread, relief and
even ecstasy, all 3 combined. The surrender
is nothing less
than a controlled dissolution of self-boundaries. And eventually you
discover your sense of wholeness, your true self, in the service of
your Dominant one. You feel delight in submission, in worship, in the abandon
and the deliverance from the confining bondage of
"normality". Ritualized suffering is a way of giving meaning and value
to your human condition, by being the perfect servant and bringer of joy
for your Dominant .
When you surrender in submission you feel a certain quality of liberation, freedom and expansion of
the self letting down your
defensive barriers. You experience complete
vulnerability. And that is because deep down you long to give up, to "come clean". It is the birth of your true self.