Tuesday, 22 November 2016

To be or not to be ...a slave

Many years ago BDSM practices used to be perceived as a mental illness or sexual aberration. After years of study psychologists concluded the old theories were mistaken and that there's no need to "cure" the SM urges, as they are a healthy mechanism of relieving one's self from  having to be in control, having to make decisions over decisions. It is a way of escape, a defense mechanism from daily stress, a way of acceptance of the "darker side" that lies inside each of us, a need for relinquishing control to something or someone greater than yourself. BDSM is a metaphor through which the psyche speaks of its suffering and passion.

Not only there is no need to 'cure' your fetish, but forcing yourself to suppress a certain fetish will result in frustration, even violent behavior or an unhealthy obsession. As long as your fetish doesn't destroy your life or your health, you can indulge in balancing your regular life with bdsm and just be part of a community of healthy, productive and balanced individuals (no, fetish people are not some freaks sitting in a dark corner worshiping satan or cutting their wrists! ).

Most fetishes are developed in childhood, coming from a psychological experience that imprinted on you. It is a mistake to assume that the experience had to be extreme or traumatizing - it's all about a context and the different ways our psyche  perceives a given situation.  There is usually one of two things going on :  a pleasant memory you're chasing to feel the energy of again, or an unpleasant memory you are trying to harness, conquer and own.
There is a definite connection between suffering and pleasure. When you surrender you might experience feeling of dread, relief and even ecstasy, all 3 combined.  The surrender is nothing less than a controlled dissolution of self-boundaries.  And eventually you discover your  sense of wholeness, your true self, in the service of your Dominant one. You feel delight in submission, in worship, in the  abandon and the deliverance from the confining bondage of "normality". Ritualized suffering is a way of giving meaning and value to your human condition, by being the perfect servant and bringer of joy for your Dominant . 

When you surrender in submission you feel a certain quality of liberation, freedom and expansion of the self letting down your defensive barriers. You experience complete vulnerability. And that is because deep down you long to give up, to "come clean".  It is the birth of your true self.


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